My angel in the sky.

To my angel in the sky.. I love you and miss you more than words to describe. 

I miss your jokes, and your love. I even miss you putting me in my place time and time again. 

You were my biggest cheerleader and I don't know how my world works without you. This past year has been so hard for me without you by my side. And I feel like I've let you down in so many ways. I am so ashamed. But I promise I am trying. I am trying to be the person you always wanted me to be. The best version of myself I could be. 

I may have strayed, I may have gotten far far of course, but you're the reason I'm trying to turn everything around. I love you so much and I wish more than anything that I had one more chance to sit and talk with you.. About anything really. 

Just even a chance to sit with you and watch LINGO or any other silly game show that you would want to watch that I'm sure I complained about all the time.

You know, I don't think anyone knew you like I did. Our relationship was different. We understood each other, though we rarely agreed on much. But we always made each other laugh. Always made each other smile.. And always let each other know that they were loved. 

I miss you and I hope you are up there with Grandpa because I know how much he meant to you and I know that with him you're much happier than you were here without. And that makes me happier, even though I selfishly wish I could've had you in my life always.

I love you. My angel in the sky. My guardian. And one of the most amazing women I ever had the chance to know. 

RIP Lillian Arruda 

12.1.14